i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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