I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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