I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
