You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
