So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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