Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
