Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
