We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
