can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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