she told me i tasted like america
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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