how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
