census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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