i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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