I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
