The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He passed out mid-signature
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
