i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
