i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
