In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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