***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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