My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
