Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
