Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
MIDGETS
????
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
