So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
