Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You are a booty call, not a friend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
