if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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