You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
