it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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