yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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