I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
