i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
