You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
