Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
