i permit you to call me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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