Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
