Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
