I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
