Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
