I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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