I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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