girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
