I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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