Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
