Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
