I wanna bring you to show and tell
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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