Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
