she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
