Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
