yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
