so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
