hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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