I got chris browned last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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